Introduction:
Riley is an 18-year-old woman who just started her university journey. Riley is super excited about this new chapter in her life, but she also feels a lot of pressure to do things a certain way. She thinks her outfits “should” fit her and that she “should” be at a high fitness level for her group workout class. She also tells herself she “shouldn’t” eat past 8 PM and that she “should” only eat whole, clean, unprocessed foods. She feels stuck because she wants to take care of herself now that she’s away from home for the first time, but she feels like she has to follow all these rules to fit in and be successful. But where do these rules come from? And are they really helpful for her?
Do you ever feel like Riley, pressured to live up to some standards? Know that you’re not alone and that it’s human nature to want to fit in. This is why many of us are influenced by messages from society, the media, family, friends, and even ourselves that tell us what we “should” and “shouldn’t” do. When it comes to food and nutrition, these messages are often related to diet culture, which is a system of beliefs that values thinness and appearance over well-being and happiness. All the “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” that come from diet culture can make us feel guilty, ashamed, or anxious about our food and body choices. It can also lead us to ignore our own needs and preferences.
Let’s do a quick activity: think about your typical day, week, and month and count how many times you hear or say things like:
- I should order a salad instead of a burger
- I shouldn’t eat that cookie or those chips
- I should exercise
- I shouldn’t snack before bed
- I should push harder during the workout
- I should reach or maintain a certain number on the scale
- I should drink water instead of juice
- I shouldn’t have seconds even though I’m still hungry
- I should skip dinner after a big brunch
How many did you get? If you’re like many people, you probably crossed off quite a few. These are examples of food rules and exercise rules that diet culture imposes on us. They may seem harmless or even helpful, but they can actually have negative consequences for one’s physical and mental health alongside their relationship to food and their body.
Let’s go back to Riley. If she follows all of these rules, it can lead to things like underfueling, overtraining, undersleeping and/or with an increased risk of developing an eating disorder. These outcomes can affect her academic performance, social life, self-esteem, and happiness. If they get more severe, they can also cause serious health problems that may require medical attention. By challenging these rules and expectations Riley has for herself, she can not only improve her relationship with food and her body but lead a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
So how can you do that? Here are some steps you can take to shift your “shoulds”:
Step 1: Ask “why?”
Whenever you catch yourself thinking or saying “I should” or “I shouldn’t”, ask yourself why. Where does this rule come from? Is it based on evidence or opinion? Is it realistic or idealistic? Is it helpful or harmful?
For example, why should Riley be fit enough for her workout class, when everyone starts at different levels of fitness and ability (or that we can exercise intuitively)?
Step 2: Reflect
After asking why, reflect on the motivation behind the rule.
For example, is it driven by diet culture (e.g., if I don’t eat this, I’ll lose weight and be more accepted by society) or coming from a place of self-care (e.g., going for a run will help me relax)? Is it aligned with your values and priorities? Is it consistent with your identity and personality?
Step 3: Honor yourself
Finally, after asking why and reflecting on the motivation, honor yourself by making the choice that feels right for you. This may mean following the rule, breaking the rule, or creating your own rule. The key is to listen to your body and your intuition, and respect your needs and desires.
For example, do you actually want a salad, or do you really want a burger? If you want a salad, go ahead and enjoy it. If you want a burger, go ahead and enjoy it too. There’s no right or wrong answer here.
Conclusion
It’s very common to have food rules and things we feel we “should” and “shouldn’t” do, but it’s important to question whether they’re helping or hurting your relationship with your food and body. Sometimes your “shoulds” may serve you well, but other times they may cause you more harm than good. If you need help with shifting away from your “shoulds”, you can always reach out to a registered dietitian at Sööma for support. They can help you find a balanced and flexible approach to eating and living that suits your unique needs and goals. Contact our team and schedule an appointment by calling (514) 437-4260 or by emailing us at info@sooma.ca.
Remember, you can do what YOU want, not what you feel you “should” !